Inuyasha Gone Clichéd
by Kuronohime
Summary: Parody of a rock star vampire hanyoo and two rivalling sisters who fall in love with him. Kikyou/Inuyasha, Kagome/Inuyasha. AU/AR. Warnings: Language, sex in a parody context.


Inuyasha Gone Clichéd

by _Kuronohime_

**Disclaimer**: All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and other rightful owners that do not include myself. I make no monetary profit by this work of fanfiction. I don't own the lyrics used in this story. I mean, the ones that belong to Britney Spears.

* * *

Inuyasha Takahashi is a hanyoo vampire rock star goddess. So sexy and diabolical that people just wonder: "Lestat who?" The sheer existence of Inuyasha makes Charlaine Harris weep the blood of virgin cherubs. He has a business tycoon brother named Sesshoumaru. Both bothers are more beautiful than the spring morning in the Alps, their perfect muscular bodies carved from the finest Greek marble by blind Tibetan monks, their smouldering amber eyes capable of making angels fall into sin.

However, the two don't get along, because their deceased father had given Inuyasha his cherished Fender Stratocaster and Sesshy was stuck with an acoustic guitar. Sesshy had thrown a hissy fit of the millennia about it and Inuyasha, being the arrogant, sexy asshole he was, just rubbed it in his face. In other words, the Takahashi family didn't spend many thanksgivings around the same table. Oh wait, they don't actually celebrate thanksgiving in JAPAN at all, but who the hell actually bothers to check the cultural accuracies of their fanfics.

Moving on.

So, Inuyasha or Inu, as I'll be referring him as from now on (Oh em gee, isn't Inu just the CUTEST name?11), was a criminally hot and sexy vampire rock star. Why a vampire? There's no actual narrative reason. Vampires just sell better. All the girls from here to a galaxy far far away craved him. But Inu had grown tired of casual sex, he wanted something of _deeper _meaning. He wanted love.

* * *

Like in all good Mary Sue stories, there is a girl by the name Kagome Higurashi. Kagome is an ordinary high school girl. Actually JUST like you. She likes all the same shit that you do, my little ponies and whatnot and you can TOTALLY relate to her. She's just as beautiful and perfect. All the guys in the school admire her. Every time Kagome pranced around the school, all the guys stripped her naked in their thoughts. And ravished her.

But Kagome wasn't that kind of girl. She was actually much like a certain someone in a popular youth series that isn't really the greatest love story ever told but a huge campaign scam for selling the idea of not having premarital sex. I'm not giving out any names, but let's call that certain someone Bella Swan. So, much like Bella, Kagome was waiting to give her cherry to her significant other after the "Amen" by the minister.

Kagome had an older sister, Kikyou, and the two didn't get along either. Kikyou was an envious biatch and always tried to make life a living Hell for Kagome. Kikyou couldn't deal that Kagome was so much more pretty and popular than her.

And here's where our story begins.

* * *

Kikyou was on a gig by Blood Play Passion whose lead guitar and vocals was none other than Inu. The concert area was packed with gazillion fans. Most of them howling girls of the ages between 12 and 14.

When Inu stepped on the stage, the crowd went crazy. "Good evening Tokyo, this is BPP. Are you ready to rock and love?"

Next to Kikyou, a girl with dark emo hair bursted into tears after seeing Inu in the flesh. She stripped out of her pink panties and threw them on the stage and yelled her never dying confessions of love to him.

"Justin! I've been looking all over for you!" An older woman pushed herself past the crowds and took a hold of Justin's arm. "I only agreed to take you with me if you stayed in my sight."

Kikyou ignored the pair's conversation and turned her gaze at Inu and listened to his angelic voice:

"Uuuu-uuuUUuuuU-UUu Babyyyyy!

Babyyyyy! UUuuu-UUUUuuUUUUu-UUUUUUuuuuuuu!

You - Make - Me - Want - You!

Let's get it on. I wanna tap that ass of yours. Let's get it on.

UUuuuuyeah!"

Kikyou found tears streaming down her face. His shattering voice pierced her soul and body. She wiped a trickle of snot from her nose and her and Inu's eyes contacted.

She felt a chill run through her spine and Inu just couldn't tear his eyes off of that vision before him. For a few seconds, nothing else existed around them and he sang his heart out for her.

After the gig, a big gorilla came to fetch Kikyou to the backstage.

Kikyou didn't hesitate and went straight to Inu's personal VIP-room. The room was candlelit and Inu was waiting her on a bed. He was naked, save for the black censor bar in front of his privates, because I want to keep this story clean for the kids.

Inu patted the bed beside him and Kikyou timidly walked up to him and sat next to him.

Kikyou kept her eyes adverted, but Inu gently cupped her cheek with his palm and forced her face towards his.

"When I saw you," his hoarse voice whispered "I saw into your soul. I knew we were meant to be. I love you, you-"

"Kikyou." She replied, so touched by his words that her eyes burned with tears.

"Kikyou…" Inu whispered. "Be with me tonight."

And with those words, Kikyou gave herself to the man she had gown to love.

* * *

Kikyou and Inu had been dating for three days and she felt like it was about the time to be bragging about her newest conquest to her goody-two-shoes of a little sister.

"Kagome, guess who's coming over for dinner!" Kikyou greeted shittily her younger sibling when she passed her by in the kitchen.

Kagome rolled her eyes. She knew that her sister was dating that obnoxious rock star. She held no interest what so ever to such men herself. She preferred men of intellectual and manners.

Kikyou was busy preparing the tuna salad when the doorbell rang. She gestured with her hands for Kagome to open the door. Kagome sighed and reluctantly slumped towards the door. It was just after sunset and she opened the door to their porch.

The man, who stood behind the door, was perhaps the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Those golden eyes seemed to pierce her very existence and the two just stood there staring at each other. Inu could smell her excitement and even if he didn't dare to admit it, his own blood boiled in a way that had never happened before. This woman was different from all the others.

Their moment was broken by Kikyou who pushed her sister aside and gave Inu a welcoming kiss on the mouth. Kagome felt a twinge in her heart and didn't know why.

She went back inside and the lovers soon followed.

All three gathered to eat and unbeknownst to Kikyou, Kagome and Inu kept sharing glances at each other during the whole evening.

Inu and Kagome kept quiet all the time Kikyou explained how Inu and him had met and how she knew from the very beginning that they were meant to be and how she had already planned their future together. Inu just nodded his head every now and then, totally ignoring his gf. He just couldn't take his eyes off Kagome.

He tried carefully to reach Kagome's leg under the table, but Kagome sprung up.

"Thanks for the meal, sis. It's late and I better go to bed since I have an early morning tomorrow." She feared how Inu made her feel. She was afraid of the passionate crave she felt within. "Inu, it was nice to meet you. Please come again." She could look at him straight in the eye, so she just bowed her head and turned to leave.

Kikyou was feeling so snooty. Figures that her little sister couldn't handle the fact that she was dating such a piece of hunk that was Inu. But soon after, Inu explained that he wasn't feeling too well that evening and that he'd better head back. Kikyou pouted, but Inu just ignored her and picked up his leather jacket and left.

* * *

Moments later, Kagome could hear small pings against the glass of her room's window. She went to open her window and below stood Inuyasha. He used his demonic slash vampiric abilities to leap to her window stall. Kagome stepped back and Inu entered the room.

For a moment they stared at each other, hypnotized. Something greater pulled them together, and neither could nor wanted to resist. Clothes began to come off flying and their mouths latched blindly on anything they could reach.

"Okay, I just said this to your sister like 15 minutes ago, but you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Your tight ass and round breasts are a sight to be held. Oh yeah, and I feel your soul and shit. Wanna have sex with me?"

Kagome shrugged. Techically she was supposed to wait 'till getting married, but surely God would understand, because she had finally met the other half of her heart.

They embraced and all of a sudden, everything basked in divine light. The choirs of heaven burst into sing and the words echoed in Kagome's deliriously blissful ears:

"_Baby, can't you see?  
I'm calling a guy like you  
Should wear a warning  
It's dangerous, I'm fallin'_

_There's no escape  
I can't wait, I need a hit  
Baby, give me it  
You're dangerous, I'm lovin' it_

_Too high, can't come down  
Losing my he_-"

"!" Inu screamed. Kagome was squealing in the spasms of her own orgasm. For a reason neither knew, rose petals hovered around them and everything glittered.

Inuyasha slumped on top of Kagome. "Whoa, that was just the best 30 seconds I've had in 800 years. No, really. None of the 8965 girls I've bedded don't compare to you, Katy, errm, I mean Kagome."

Kagome smiled lovingly and held Inuyasha in her arms. She could have never imagined that mating could have felt like that. Perfect.

Of course, they would have used a condom, but Inu was so ridiculously endowed that there was nothing that fit.

Oh yeah, and mysteriously after having sex with Inu, Kagome turned into like the hottest ever hanyoo vampire, because she wasn't good enough to Inu when she was human. Let's just totally ignore the fact that what makes their love so bittersweet is that Kagome is a mortal and Inu is an immortal creature. Let's not just even try to write decent drama, but instead water down their epic life, death and mortality transcending love by making Kagome a supernatural being, too.

So, 9 months later, Kagome had identical quintuplets of fat, puppy-dog-eared hanyoos. They lived happily ever after.

Kikyou moved to Quebec and gained 50 pounds.

**A/N**: _It took me 20 minutes to write this and I bet that every other vampire rip-off fanfic with similar plot has taken exactly the same amount of effort and talent to make. If even ONE person decides to throw their vampire rock star fanfic into the trash bin and start writing an original story with proper characterization, my job here is done. Take caution._


End file.
